Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
