There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
