So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
