i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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