Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
