one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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