well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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