can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
