When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
well you can't waste a boner
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
