Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
