No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
