grandma shit on top of the toilet
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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