i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
