He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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