You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
