Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
