i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
