Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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