in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
