I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
