my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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