My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
