the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
