remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
