Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
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I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
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Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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