I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
