What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
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If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
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Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms