You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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