Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
