...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
