no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dick very happy bro