He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
