We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
