When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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