So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
