the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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