Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
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just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
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if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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