Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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