just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
