I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
