I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
