If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
