need another drink. this is the easiest way
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
