I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
