I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
