My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
