"it" just moved
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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