I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
