you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
