I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize