so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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