i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
