id be glad to
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
