cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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