it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are a genius and a whore.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
