he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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