hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
