I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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