Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
