Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
