I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
