I cannot find my penis.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
