What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
