I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
