Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
