I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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