I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
