I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
